Views through Ambitious Eyes

Missing You

2011-10-04T19:14:00.005-04:00

Looking up at the sky and wondering if your looking down at me
Praying each day that you can feel the love I had for you
Each day is hard but knowing that you are at peace will one day bring me joy
I could never say you were like a father to me because you were my father
We had a bond
As the sun sets and it's dark orange color fades from the sky
I can't help but wonder... where are you now?

Sometimes

2010-05-26T23:21:00.003-04:00

In life people lose site of the big picture starring them in the face.
Many times we're blinded by the little pieces of the puzzle that we think may shift our destined plans in life to favor our wants and desires.
But it's up to us to understand that sometimes life isn't about us...

Today

2010-05-24T21:53:00.001-04:00

Today
I feel like I've taken my strength back and told the world enough with your negative energy. I can do this. My life will not be perfect but I can get past the imperfections.

I Love You

2010-05-21T16:27:00.001-04:00

I want to run to you, I love you with all of my heart, soul, and being
I run to you because you are my shelter, my strength, my main motivation to succeed
Without you I would have been nonexistent
Although I may sometimes get stressed out by your actions, I know that what you do is because you love me
And for that I just want to run to you, because I know you will always have my best interest
Even when it feels like I'm alone, I know I'm not because you are there every day without fail
And because of that I love…

Why is it

2010-05-21T16:01:00.004-04:00

Why would you push someone into an uncomfortable position for kicks?
Respect is a characteristic that you lack
It's not funny
You put me in a place I do not like to be in
Just let me do me, peacefully

Stop trying so hard,
Why the need to stay up on materials you do not need
Why change attitudes when around different crowds of your own peers,
Being one of you is all you should need
Why the need to only remember what you please
You said to me we not how we used to, it's kind of hard when now its 2 vs. 1

Fall back,
I sit and wonder where I went wrong, since I can only control and fix my actions
And then I realize I'm good living, loving and laughing without pushing others down

Just breathe
Stop focusing so much on me focus on you and yours and maybe things could get better

I can only continue to pray for you
And forgive and forget, and that’s what I shall do

I Said to Poetry by Alice Walker

2010-03-28T15:42:00.002-04:00

I said to poetry: 'I'm finished
with you.'
Having to almost die
before some weird light
comes creeping through
is no fun.
'No thank you, Creation,
no muse need apply.
I'm out for good times--
at the very least,
some painless convention.'

Poetry laid back
and played dead
until this morning.
I wasn't sad or anything,
only restless.

Poetry said: 'You remember
the desert, and how glad you were
that you have an eye
to see it with? You remember
that, if ever so slightly?'
I said: 'I didn't hear that.
Besides, its five o' clock in the a.m.
I'm not getting up
in the dark
to talk to you.'

Poetry said: 'But think about the time
you saw the moon
over that small canyon
that you liked much better
than the grand one-- and how supurised you were
that the moonlight was green
and you still had
one good eye
to see with.

Think of that!'

'I'll join the church!' I said,
huffily, turning my face to the wall.
'I'll learn how to pray again!'

'Let me ask you,' said Poetry.
'When you pray, what do you think
you'll see?'

Poetry had me.

'There's no paper
in this room,' I said.
'And that new pen I bought
makes a funny noise.'
'Bullshit,' said Poetry.
'Bullshit,' said I.

That Chapter in My Life

2010-03-17T18:33:00.008-04:00

They say whatever you throw out into the universe,
like a boomerang it will come back to you.
Your thoughts of the pass, you can't let go.
Yes it happened, Yes it hurts,
No you don't want to happen again,
but you just can't let go.

The memories of that broken heart
haunts you in your sleep,
thinking about yesterday
and why it still hurts today.
You just can't understand the art of letting go.

Well, I'm going to let go,
I'm going to be fine,
My heart won't be broken for long.
I will forgive,
I will learn,
I will understand,
and I will love again.

"Relationships"

2009-12-12T12:24:00.006-05:00

I've learned that sometimes relationships are just way too hard to mess with.

We end up resenting each other because of all the false trust and unworthiness.

All we hope to be is happy and agree with what we want.

Unfortunately, relationships do down a path of unhappiness,

when it's hard you don't have a clue when it will become easy again...if it was ever easy.

So we tend to panic and unintentionally hope for the worst;

What ifs? and doubt take over what we once imagined would be perfect for us.

Yes, I do love you but I can't take the indistinguishable pressure.

Theses unknown pressures that wake me up at night wondering when they will stop.

I want you, but I don't want your flaws you say to yourself.

Today in church...

2009-12-06T18:00:00.003-05:00

The message was about having loyal friends, and it got me to thinking what i consider as a friend and this is what i came up with:

-someone who you can call on at whatever time for whatever reason
-someone who you can talk openly to
-someone who will try to see things thru your eyes
-someone who does not hold you accountable for things you have no control over
-someone who will at the end of the day have your back regardless of the distance thats between you two
-someone who will snap you back into your place if you are getting out of wack
-someone who cares about you at times when you dont care about yourself
-someone who tries to make you laugh or tries to lighten up your day because it was pretty demanding

with all being said i am pretty sure we all have different explanations for the word friend and different expectations for how friends should be and thats why i think we should all tell each other what is the definition and are the expectations that we have for being a good positive friend. i think it will be a great exercise for us to do ;-)

I hope you all are doing GREAT

And

remember "HE'S ABLE TO DO ALL HE SAYS HE WILL DO!!!!!1"

PSALM

2009-11-15T20:35:00.000-05:00

1 Deliver me, O LORD, from evil men;
Preserve me from violent men,

2 Who plan evil things in their hearts;
They continually gather together for war.

3 They sharpen their tongues like a serpent;
The poison of asps is under their lips. Selah

4 Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked;
Preserve me from violent men,
Who have purposed to make my steps stumble.

5 The proud have hidden a snare for me, and cords;
They have spread a net by the wayside;
They have set traps for me. Selah

6 I said to the LORD: “You are my God;
Hear the voice of my supplications, O LORD.

7 O GOD the Lord, the strength of my salvation,
You have covered my head in the day of battle.

8 Do not grant, O LORD, the desires of the wicked;
Do not further his wicked scheme, Lest they be exalted. Selah

9 “As for the head of those who surround me,
Let the evil of their lips cover them;

10 Let burning coals fall upon them;
Let them be cast into the fire, Into deep pits, that they rise not up again.

11 Let not a slanderer be established in the earth;
Let evil hunt the violent man to overthrow him.”

12 I know that the LORD will maintain
The cause of the afflicted,
And justice for the poor.

13 Surely the righteous shall give thanks to Your name;
The upright shall dwell in Your presence.

i think

2009-11-13T15:42:00.004-05:00

I think that's why it is said that it is better to stand in love rather than fall in love
knowing the ins and outs of a person before you commit your heart can save a lot of heart ache and pain, it gives you the reality of the matter before you can ever float off to cloud nine, by the time you are firmly in your stance you have had sufficient time to decide whether or not the possible relationship is worth all of the work that it takes to achieve a successful relationship
Or if hearts are worn on the sleeve and you fall head or heels or if it is your first time in love beware it usually gets a lot worst before it ever gets better, so be patient, be smart and really think if bring with that person is worth it all...

Love....

2009-11-13T15:05:00.003-05:00

I was just thinking about how love is...
Sometimes no matter what man comes into a woman's life, many become so blinded by "Love". Love can make you say, think and do some crazy shit. As you sit around and soak up your mans "Love" you make yourself believe that "Your love is deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, fire.." When you make love to him your heart melts and from reality you shoot to cloud 9
Your heart sings, "This is crazy magic, oober fantastic chemistry, We're floating so high I swear that we were soaring". Everyday your mind becomes swollen with love and simple thoughts of the future. It's Love...
No one could tell you a thing, your man has you on the highest cloud ever. You can't see, and hear nothing boo... It's Love
But Slowly Surely, you notice that BAM your back down to reality.
Slowly but Surely you see that the "Love" you thought was wonderful was just confusing love, misusing love, abusing love, that can't be

When are we

2009-11-12T18:11:00.004-05:00

going to get passed the instant judging and immediate criticizing phase

and just try to be open to seeing things in different views?

we all have different views which is awesome

some are more traditional than others and that's fine

while some are more broad and that too is fine

we need to start seeing the beauty in having different views and having different ways of expression

it makes us, us

embrace the differences don't mock them or get frustrated with them

as all ways be happy keep faith stay blessed

Day Off

2009-11-11T09:21:00.002-05:00

Today I feel like I've been given a boost of inspiration.
I'll take care of the little things that will make me happy!
Listen to some music,
Clean up,
Plant my flowers and drink some lemonade,
and post some more thoughts!

Love ya'll enjoy your day off!

Jigsaw

2009-11-04T23:29:00.003-05:00

Jigsaw puzzle is my nickname! I fit the description so well. On the outside I am a well put together box! With a beautiful picture in the front! So many feel so confident that they can conquer me, and put my little pieces back together again. Little do they know that I am a broken puzzle that will just leave them discouraged and filled with thoughts on how to complete me. What they don't know about me is that someone left me scattered everywhere and they didn't pick up all my pieces. So when you or anybody else looks at my nice box it will only seem as though all my pieces are there but they really aren’t.
I’m sorry for the discrepancy.

MY APOLOGY

2009-10-29T19:29:00.003-04:00

Experiencing life to the fullest literally, with the pains and the hurts, the bad decisions and bad friends. I apologize to all the people i should have listened to when they warned my about the dangers of this world we live in and all the people i betrayed and gave up on for something that was not even worth it. Should have loved myself instead of letting someone else take advantage of what i had to offer. Should have loved thos who truely loved me instead of giving it to someon who never even said he loved me and meant it. Gave my all to someone who never gave me a bit and never even said thank you. I apologize to God because i am ungrateful, i could have been stricken down buried in my sin and pleasures but he kept me.
---- I owe an aopology mostly to the little girl crying deep inside of me, wishing and praying to be free. I kept her under lock and key, just to make him happy. Sorry for mistreating you the way i did. Sorry for not noticing your true beauty. Sorry for not loving you initially.......

LoVE tHAT DoESNt StOp

2009-10-26T19:33:00.002-04:00

Laying side by side watching tv.
Turned me around now face to face.
Holding my waist.
As i kiss his lips.
Showing me affection with his fingertips.
Becoming Adam and Eve as the time goes by.
Looking at each other eye to eye.
Sounds of love in the air.
Loving him with no care.
He takes control, get's on top.
Tells me he loves me and he wont stop.
Our bodies meet now becoming one.
Hoping this time it's not for fun.
Making love until the sun goes down
Like a storm through town.
Temperatures are rising, emotions flying high.
Showing passion as if it's the last time.
Merging with him ast then slow.
******* high then low.
Loving him, him loving me.
Being something every girl wishes to be.
Temperatures have been regulated, the air is clear.
Loving him with no fear.
Feeling as if i am on top of the world.
Now i know i am his special girl.
Laying together, me on top.
Then he whispers "I love you and i wont stop".

LoVE HUrTS

2009-10-26T19:02:00.003-04:00

LOVE that does not stop but just begins.
LOVE that always cares and never ends.
LOVE that has no fears.
LOVE that cries no tears.
LOVE shown through affection.
LOVE given with passion.

LOVE that sees no pain.
LOVE wont speak in vain.
LOVE seen through the eyes.
LOVE that never dies.

"Through thick and thin", that's what he said.
"Our love wont end" a word not known the meaning of.
May seem small but is as significant as a Dove.
Love? What does it really mean?
Love? how is it really seen?

Love seems like a sate of mind.
A word carried on the wings of divine.
Love like a form of art.
Paintings of hurt and pain in my heart.

All because he said "Through thick and thin, our love will never end"

Couldn't Be Happier

2009-10-26T00:16:00.004-04:00

God taps me on my shoulder and said, "Today you will smile"
I told him I already smile sometimes it’s hard but I do.
He shook his head and held my hands and place it on my chest and said this time it'll come from your heart.
Can't stop smiling!

idk

2009-10-25T21:04:00.002-04:00

ignore the previous post, it didnt serve its purpose.

The God in Me

2009-10-16T21:28:00.001-04:00

To the Editor in Chief OF Essence

Hello Angela,

My name is Cherlene Ceneus, I recently read the October issue of Essence Magazine. Before I dove into the article about Nia Long, I read "The God in You" and I truly related to this subject that you addressed. I am a student and it gets hard not to look at other girls and wonder why is it that they seem to have more than I do. Some days I wonder why my family is not successful or why doesn't god bless me with material things, but as I read your article, I realized that I'm praying for the wrong things. The message I received was that you are right, I don't know how much others have prayed for what they have and I shouldn't envy them. As much as we all hope for better in our lives we can't judge others for what there lives may seem in our eyes.

I just wanted to share my thoughts and thank you for yours.

Respectfully,
--
Cherlene Ceneus

Visit CC's Closet, Inc @ www.ccs-closet.com

2009-09-18T15:15:00.001-04:00

WHOS TO BLAME

2009-09-12T12:09:00.004-04:00

BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT SHOULDA BEEN THE BEST I EVER HAD, AS MUCH AS I TRY TO TELL MY SELF THAT, IT HASN'T. WORK MY ASS OFF SO THAT EVERY THING I MAKE GOES TO HELP U, BUT I'M THE ONE WHO NEVER CARES. WAS WORKING AND EVERY DIME WENT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY BUT THAT WASN'T WORTH ANY THING WHEN ONE DAY WE COULDN'T GO OUT. ALWAYS THERE TO HELP YOU EVEN IF IT MEANS LEAVING THE NEXT PERSON HANGIN', WETHER FAMILY OR FRIENDS, BUT THAT DON'T MATTER. WAS SUPPOSED TO GO OUT TO CELEBRATE OUR FORTH BUT COULDN'T. IS THAT MY FAULT. THE CAR BROKE DOWN SO U GET PISSED OFF. OH WELL, TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. ANOTHER WOULD THINK: IT'S OK. BETTER THE CAR HAS PROBLEMS IN THE DRIVEWAY INSTEAD OF ON THE HIGHWAY WHICH COULD HAVE RESULTED IN A CRASH. THEN WHAT WOULD YOU SAY. WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE WORTH OF THE RESTAURANT IF THAT HAPPENED. YOU NEVER WANNA THINK ABOUT THE WHAT IF'S. ONLY THINK WHAT EXISTS IS WHAT YOU WANT. AND THE ONE TIME IT DON'T HAPPEN YOUR WAY U GET PISSED. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CRUISE, WHAT HAPPENED TO KEY WEST, WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WANTED TO DO BUT NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THE WAT IF'S. WHAT IF I WAS TO GET MAD. OUR DIFFERENCE IS THAT I KNOW TOMORROW IS ANOTHER AND THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN IS THE PLACE GETS SHUT DOWN. THE BEST THAT HAPPENED IS THAT WE STILL ALIVE. JUST LIKE THE FOURTH OF JULY. I AIN'T COMPLAIN THAT WE ATE FOR 40 AND I HAD TO PAY 60 FOR A TOW(EVERYTHING I HAD).YOU NEVER WANNA UNDERSTAND THAT SHIT HAPPENS. YOU STUCK ON TRYING TO BE ALL SOPHISTICATED AND SHIT BUT U NEED TO ALSO LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD AND REALISE SHIT HAPPENS. I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO BE THE BEST I CAN, BE AS SUPPORTIVE, AS I CAN, AS HONEST WITH MY FEELINGS AS I CAN, AND AS LOVING AS I CAN BUT IF EVERYTHING AIN'T GO YOUR WAY, U DON'T CARE. THERE IS NO TALKING TO YOU CIVILIZED SO READ THIS. WHO'S TO BLAME-NOT ME.

The Road not Taken by Robert Frost

2009-09-12T09:32:00.001-04:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

2009-08-31T14:03:00.001-04:00

Let's Share

2009-08-25T23:30:00.002-04:00

My favorite Artist is Frida Kahlo; I think it would be cool to share art work that expresses parts of us all. Let the Art work do the talking!

Your Image

2009-08-11T00:31:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I just want to see how you look and see if I was truly created in your image and likeness.
If so, I'd ask you, why did you let them suppressed those who have the same color and full lips as I do?
Sometimes I get so emotional about how frustrating it is to keep good faith and smile.
I close my eyes and wish I could place my head on your lap and cry until all my annoyance goes away.
A lot of times I question you and your ways. Everything is on your time, your plans, how you feel...
What about those who've worked their whole lives and still come up short?
I just want to yell at you and yell some more cause sometimes it gets way too hard!
Many times I want to sit down and talk with you and look into your eyes and laugh over our conversations...
Ha Ha Ha! My god you are funny. Ha Ha Ha!
Sometimes I picture you and your blank face looking down at us all and hope for better...
I bet you want to cry and scream too. I bet you wonder how are we in your image and likeness...

CC's Closet, Inc

2009-08-01T14:11:00.001-04:00

Check us out at www.ccs-closet.com!

Thanks for your support!

Cherlene

Reply

2009-07-26T14:00:00.003-04:00

Ok new rule. If you leave an Anonymous comment please leave your name!
:-)

Thanks for your comments you don't know how much they mean to me!

Oh yeah... CC's Closet is a women online retail store that my mother and I had been planning on opening for over a year and lately we've have been working real hard on. CC's Closet grand opening will be on August 1st! http://www.ccs-closet.com/

Thanks for asking!

Cherlene

Happi Moments

2009-07-25T22:47:00.002-04:00

Have you ever laughed so hard?

And you felt so happy inside.

Well....

I feel like that everyday, not all day everyday

but, yes everyday!

perfect night...

2009-07-25T12:41:00.003-04:00

7 weeks ago friday was perfect

he satisfied my every need and want

he stroked it like a harmonica, ooh soft and gentle

i can still feel his warm soft embrace all over my body

his soft tone whispering in my ear, it truly was a night to remember

...

i remember that night everyday when i look in the mirror, i have all of these different emotions running around in circles in my head, 1 minute i'm happy smiling jokin, the 2nd i dont want to be bother everything around bothers me, i tell the doctor i wake up wanting to throw up, my stomach constantly wants more food, i dont feel the same, my stomachs getting bigger, and bigger

...

here i sit not even 21 with a child in my womb, no husband, no home, no one but

God to turn to,

i share my story with you because having children is one of the most magical things as a human one can experience, it's not meant for 1 parent to take care of 2 it's for 2 to take care 1, cause here i am as 1 going to have to take care of 2, when it took 2 to make 1

is it anyone's fault?

2009-07-25T12:33:00.003-04:00

its your fault!
nah its her fault!
you fucked him up for the next chick!
what do you mean? he fucked you up for the next dude!
he did you wrong so you pull back when you feel things are getting to close for comfort
she cheated on him so now he can't trust that next one, cause in his mind the moment he gives his trust the pain will get back to his heart
i don't blame him i don't think no pain is worse than from the opposite sex
it all happens so fast, they say to stand in love is better than falling in love but who's to say either is going to be great and last for ever?
they've both felt it before or have been pretty damn close to it but, what happens next when neither is willing to go that next step and see if it is what it is?
all they can do is blame the circumstances that have lead them up to this point and say it's her fault nah, it's his fault!

screwed

2009-07-25T12:19:00.004-04:00

You go to bed after a long, rough day thinking its going to be better when you wake up

but you're still screwed

You wake up wanting and longing for it all to feel better and have no ties to the rough, long day of before but you're still screwed

You try to busy your self so that you don't have to think about the thoughts in your mental space that are keeping you from focusing on your actions that really matter and that will get you that stress-free-successful-life but you're still because you can't find a way to get passed that rough, long day that you can seem to put behind you

You ask God, why? He replies it's only going to get better, and some how you still can't let the words from your Father entire your body into your soul and mind and let him take care of it for you because you're still screwed

See in your mind you cant differentiate between what really matters and what doesn't, you try to give everyone what they want and they leave you for the scraps so you're still screwed

You can only be so patient until you get so screwed over that you explode and let everyone have a piece of your mind

But until then you will always just be screwed...

who's to say?

2009-07-24T17:38:00.003-04:00

who is to say life is hard, who is to say its easy?

why remain in contact with people?

why search for those who share same joys and disappoints as you?

why not mold people into you so that disagreements and fights do not occur?

do you ever sit back an wonder why do we need families, friends, and lovers?

life would be miserable otherwise, no one would make you smile, you'd have no reason to be angry, no reason to spend or save money, you'd never experience what this earth has to offer, you'd never get close to anyone so you'd spend most of your time alone and bitter at the world

accepting peoples differences is what allows everyone to build bonds and create happiness

lets be real if there was no happiness what would be the point of existing?

with that being said relationships offer people the opportunity to grow and realize what their dislikes and likes truly are

some will have hard times and some times will be great

you can't expect everyone to be on the same page and be sad, mad, happy at all the same times as you,

in order for any relationship to work out both parties need to have clear in their mind that there is a bigger picture and this is something worth lending an open ear, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold on to, and a warm embrace to run to when it seems as though you don't belong

no one said it was going to be easy, no one said it was going to be hard

but it is the life we live, why not make the best of it?

Letter to my soulmate :

2009-07-24T17:24:00.005-04:00

listen to me
help me
move me
trust me
stay honest with me
fight with me
disagree with me
compromise with me
don't give up on me
keep in mind the greater picture
hold me
shelter me
provide for me
smile for me
make me laugh
hug me
talk to me
cuddle with me
depend on me
let me depend on you
look out for my well being
let me look out for you well being
think about me
take me out
let's have fun
don't believe people
live for yourself
do it for me
honor me
cherish every moment with me
think about how what you do affects me
respect me
play with me
stay faithful to me
be my guide, be my companion, be my king, be my love, and let me be your queen

2009-07-24T17:23:00.001-04:00

what to say? what to do?

2009-07-24T16:58:00.004-04:00

what do you want me to say? what do you want me to do?

i don't even know how to start

its like one second we're fine the other we're on distant unknown lands,

i though by know you would have picked up on the vast differences that make up my character, where am i to run to if it isn't to you? If we were meant to be alone God would have never created a Man and a Woman.

when i do run to you act as though it's not something you want to deal with, you act like i brought it upon myself and i should be the one to take it away from myself

but i can't it's hard for me to see the clear picture while I'm in all the hype and rage and anger, very little does it happen but when it does it's on, and that's when i need to run to someone to calm me, to ease my nerves not chaste me for using profanity and saying obscene things,

yes i understand its out of character but understand me being that upset is too out of my character.

i feel that i may have brought too much to the table too early, perhaps i let my guard down too quick, perhaps i ignored all of my common senses and let my heart guide me

cause now I'm sitting here wondering what do you want me to say? what do you want me to do?

"WE?"

2009-07-23T22:26:00.003-04:00

WE?...
We are not, could not be we
WE?...
We are confused and unsure about what we want, who we are, and how we portray each other!
(HA HA HA) WE...
We are different I's who fight, contridict, and wish to be real friends.
We could never be.
(Ha Ha Ha)WE? Your crazy! WE can't even relate!

Still I Rise...

2009-07-21T20:45:00.004-04:00

I know you all know this poem...i couldn't express in words how i feel right now because i wouldn't do it justice so i figure Maya Angelou would do a better job than i ever could. The ones in red are exactly how i am feeling. I hope you all can find some comfort in this poem as well.

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

By: Maya Angelou

What you thought you didn't do

2009-07-16T00:54:00.003-04:00

I never noticed how much of an affect you posed on my life.
It wasn't until I turned ten, I heard that you existed.
I remember meeting you for the first time, my face was pressed against the window screen,
And you stood out on the porch. I didn't know you and you didn't know me.
We talked for a while; I asked you a series of questions and acted like a magical psychic.
Though, you had thought I was just a child and knew nothing, I knew everything.
I knew I had no father, I knew that he didn't love me, and even though it was our first meeting I knew you were him.
I never hated you or missed you. I just wanted to be daddy's little girl and to my surprise you never seen me as that.
We met on Saturday's so I could spend time with your family. I met your wife, your son, and daughter.
I was probably there so that you could sleep better at night.
We never hugged or kissed, I'd make fun of you with my cousin so I would believe that you didn't matter.
Ten years old and I was already thinking like a woman with a broken heart.
Once you told me you loved me and I didn't respond.
How did you expect me...me to say it back to you? Why would I have had to?
After that conversation you never said it again.
I meet you in May and you left me in June. No good-bye.
You left me to believe I did something to you. Why?
I mean I was sure I could have loved you eventually, but not at the time.
Was it that? Was it because I didn't say it back to you?
How could I? You were never excited to see me? You never hugged me and said, "There's my girl"or "Your so beautiful". I was sweet little Cha-Cha and yet you never got to know me.
You seemed annoyed with me the few days were together. Your wife was filled with disbelief. She looked at me every Saturday, I looked nothing like you in her mind I was definitely not your child.
I was yours, well some part of you.
My mother once loved you, she'd cry over you.
You left her fourteen and pregnant. I thank god she became greater than you could ever be.
I look up to her.
As my life went on I forgot about you. Your walk, how you spoke, what you looked like.
It was as if you disappeared. You could have died and I wouldn't have known.
I remember my aunt telling me that you’re the one losing out on my life.
You probably stood outside in your back yard looking at the water in you big ass pool
With a lighter in one hand and a cigarette in another, nodding your head and thinking leaving me was the best thing you did.
You were right.
As much as I think you were right you were wrong too.
You left me and chose to be without me, and when you did that I became insecure.
I believed no one wanted me, no man would love me.
You were wrong to make me feel that way.
But, everyday my friends love me a whole lot more than you could have;
Everyday my family loves me a whole lot more than you could fathom;
Every day I love me a whole lot more than you would be able to wrap your head around.
What you thought you didn't do was hurt me and I wished I didn't have to feel the pain.

I'm Tired

2009-07-12T06:59:00.003-04:00

I wrote this about a year ago and I thought I lost it along with all my other poems when they stole my laptop. Happily, it was in my e-mail in a sent file, so enjoy.

I'm so tired of these thoughts coming in and out of my mind. What is friendship?, I Savannah Wright ask that question once again. I'm tired of having to express myself and wanting people to understand how I feel!Its not that they don't understand how I feel, it's more about where they are in their lives. I'm finishing up! I just want to put it all aside and start where we left it. Oh Gosh! Come on open up your heart, listen to my voice, look into my eyes and see how I cry!LOVE, SUPPORT, HAPPINESS, SECRETS, JOKES..... it is not us anymore!You push me into this corner where I don't want to be. Every time I tell you I'm happy, you try find the bad...why? A grin from ear to ear, chuckles of excitement, no more tears, no more sad faces. Why don't you understand, or believe me. Did you hear me recite from my journal the chapter that I closed in my life?...No you didn't, you didn't want to... trying to spilt yourself into more than who you are so you won't hurt the ones who love you...Well you already have! Pushing me back into that tight space where I don't want to be, where I'm unhappy...I found my happiness a long time ago where I had a friend who cared...But, she's gone now... And I'm tired

I wrote this when I was very frustrated and upset because I was so focus on trying to gain my friends acceptance. I've noticed that we all as friends are distant, how obvious! How often do we take the time out to call or text one another or even chat? I know that we've been dealing with our own battles and it hasn't been easy. I think we all in some ways or another don't understand the true meaning of friendship. We categorize each other, thinking that we should be closer to one person compared to another. We talk about each other and judge one another. Many many times we are upset at one another and hold back from saying it. How could we communicate with all theses gaps in the way. Oh yeah, We don't even support each other properly or make an effort to. Landie said we should all get on the phone and talk. Who's going to make that effort? I know that if someone does our conversation would go west talking about everything else but our friendship. I'm tired of holding back, I think our friendship could be a lot better if we all stop acting so damn exclusive! I thought we were all friends and we could talk to each other about anything, not just two people out of the five of us. We all should think about how much we put out in all aspects of a true friendship and write it down and when we talk, we'll be able to cut to the chase.

Deep down I doubt that some of you will read this because truely I think I had to pester some of you to actually support my blog or just read what I had to say.

Good Bye Michael

2009-06-26T00:46:00.002-04:00

To the king of pop!

An entertainer

A friend

A father

A son

A brother

Even though he was none of these things to me, no one could fulfill his role

As a little girl I use to wish I could be Michael's girl! LOL!

Unfortunately along with many I have to say good bye Michael

You were one of a kind

Thursday June 25, 2009

2009-06-25T14:58:00.009-04:00

You ever watched a movie that shows a woman so stressed about her feelings

because she lacks a strong support by her friend or husband?

And as the plot thickens, you wonder why the main character whether her name is Ashley or Cameron, doesn't explode with anger and just let that person who doesn't pick up the slack, or who depends on her to figure it all out! Earl or Bob, what ever his name is, finally sees her in a different light and notices he should be kind, or appreciative, or just say thank you!

And as the camera man focuses on Jeanne we all finally sees how much she resents Tom for all he hasn't done and will never be able to tell him how she feels.

And as the soft music symbolizes for her internal cries; she can only utter out a few good words

I'm tired and it's over as Lu Ann looks into Johns puppy dog eyes.

The only reason that I wrote this way is because we all get to this road block in our lives when we finally realize that no one is helping us pull or push. Sometimes you have the motivation in your heart but you have no one to help bring it out. Until you see that if you keep waiting for your John, Tom, Ashley, or Jeanne to help you figure everything out then you come to the point when you just can't continue with them.

update! update!

2009-06-14T21:28:00.002-04:00

hi guys!

update ! update !

lets see... since the last time ive spoken to you all on a deeper level..... i was probably in my own bubble focusing in on school. since then i have had serious doubts about my finance major. i am now thinking of doing a b.s in international affairs minor in education/accounting(maybe) then masters in public administration with a certificate in international studies, and hopefully a phd in some diverse cultural studies so that after all of my schooling and interning i will end up with a job within a government agency wether local or state maybe national, or teaching cutural studies in either high school or community college and aiming to be a middle or high school principle.

as far as my "personal life" me and mr. mark are doing pretty good, and i'm happy with how and where our relationship is going. my relationship with you dudes is still not as great as i would like but i truly do feel as though there are no hard feelings nor hidden resentments towards any of us which i love! i miss you guys alot! i really do! (steph is excluded cuz i feel like me and her are going back to a high point in our friendship) my fam and i are good i miss them alot too, jayson is growing up so quick its amazing! my fam is struggling like everyone else during these tough economic times but they hanging in there :)

i just wanted to let everyone know where i am in my life as of right now. i wake up feeling great! i go to school i enjoy my class, i'm eating better, i workout everyday, i'm thankful for you guys in my life, i'm thankful for having a good man in my life, i look forward going to church every sunday, and im glad to be a part of the family, circle of friends that i have been blessed to belong to. with this all being said hope you all are doing great and look forward to see ya'll soon!

Things to do for Me

2009-03-16T19:18:00.002-04:00

Think about me
Work on my flaws
Be there for my family
Be happy
Workout (Try harder)

We don't live forever. We are destine to die not by choice, it is written...

We take one another for granted. What is it about anger that makes me see red? nothing around me matters. Why do we forget what is worth while and focus on what is not? Today we dine, a toast to life! We gotta love life cause we don't know whats to come.

Ladies I know some days weren't meant for us to have a good day but that doesn't stop us from living! Each day we're given a day to be more educated, to love others, to be much more of a friend but a sister to one another. Some days I want to call it quits, but I can't because I think about my family the people who have worked their whole lives dedicated to their children not knowing if they'll ever get a break. They have invested in me and so have your parents; that means I have to work harder, excel, and have a future so they can know that their journey was worth it.

Love you all! Have a blessed day!

my Sunday

2009-03-16T10:15:00.002-04:00

i found myself crying for the first time in a very long time yesterday. i couldnt understand why tears just fell from my eyes repeatedly for about ten minutes. i found myself a bit embrassed as it starte while i was still in church. i tried my hardest to block the tears from exiting my eyes but i couldnt help it. i got hugs from strangers and they told me everything would be alright. i got hugged from mark and i felt him, and cried even more. i pulled myself together while i awaited for him in the car and was trying to understand where the tears came from. i came up with nothing. i then brusted into uncontrolable laughter when he appeared with a lollipop he had given me awhile ago. it was one of the ones that have plastic fake big round pink lips on the other side of the lollipop instead of a stick. i laughed and laughed and then it struck me wait i was just cryin why was i crying? so i continued to ponder and came up with nothing. i went to winn dixe and then got home i was super excited to see my nicely cleaned room and nice sheets that i felt on my bed before i left. i walk thru the door and see the closet doors open and a blanket on the floor. first i thought ok management came in and cheked the place out and took everything out of the master bedroom since we had stuff in it. then i see my room door and stephs room door open and stuff on the beds. i knew for a fact something was wrong my room was locked and everything was in its place before i left. and then marks like who was inhere your tv is gone. i couldnt belive it we were robbed. it bothered me in a way thaat nothing has ever bothered me before in my life. i felt uncomfortable in my skin it was as though they took everything from me although materialistic items. i have worked extremely hard and very long to be able to buy the things that i had taken from me. i feel very dissrespected and belittled. they left the wrapping of marks gift and took the gift like what the hell?! and its all gone the memories each had, the time put into getting each item all gone. and for what they took from two broke females college sstudents at that. i couldnt sleep woke feeling like crap didnt wanna do anything. i feel awful being there for too long it is asthough i have no home. i dont feel safe nor protected. i wanted to cry to let it all out i wanted to punch a punching bag and release all of the stresses but i just couldnt im still stuck on how its possible that no one said anything or did anything there all always people around someone must have seen or heard something. how did they know the master room didnt have anything? why didnt they break in there? im upset and there is nothing that i can do i have to leave it up to the bug guy up stairs and hope and have faith that eveything will work out for the best. im all cried out but dont understand why. i have no where to go no where to call home, my own anymore. i never in a million years would have thought that getting things stolen would break me down but it has. i prided myself in being able to say yup i worked hard for it i deserve it its mine all mine i bought it with my money. and for someone to take all from me hurts and really bothers me. i feel like balling up and crying...

Did you smile today?

2009-03-09T16:28:00.007-04:00

This morning I woke up feeling horrible because of stomach cramps. Oh the pain! I didn't smile. I got up and got ready for school late as usual, "What's new?". Already making plans for my bad day. School has always been a struggle for me academically. I've been trying, when will I succeed? I decide to continue working on succeeding. I laughed while having lunch with a friend at school trying to cover up my insecurities. My last class of the day my professor was late to class and students declared class cancelled, a smile came out and altered my day. "Cool". Hanging out with my papa Jayden and sweet heart Jaylah, while listening to some jazz music made me feel like myself. Laughing with Iz because we're just that silly made me smile big. I know this maybe confusing, but that's the way my day goes at times. Messy and unorganized, some days we plan for one thing to occur in our day and something else happens. We forget to smile even if our day is not all it's cracked up to be. Did you smile today?

March 7, 2009

2009-03-07T10:42:00.001-05:00

We as human beings tend to love so hard that we forget about ourselves. I read an article in Essence Magazine- the December issue of 2008, featuring Will and Jada Smith. The article was written about the couple and their relationship. They interviewed one another and came to the subject about priorities. Jada recalled Will saying that he is his first priority, and then comes him and Jada, then the kids. Many people believe that a man or women putting themselves before their mate or children would be considered selfish. When you think about it it’s very smart. Will goes on saying, “You listed the kids first, us second, and you third. That’s not human. When you’re on a plane, they say, “Put your mask on first.” You can’t help anybody else if you don’t put your mask on.” I can honestly say that I put myself last and it’s not until I am over worked that I think about whom I am putting first!

February 22, 2009

2009-03-02T09:01:00.000-05:00

I’ve learned that sometimes relationships are just way too hard to mess with. We end up resenting each other because of all the false trust and unworthiness. All we hope to be is happy and agree with what we want. Unfortunately, relationships go down a path of unhappiness, when it’s hard you don’t have a clue when it will become easy so we tend to panic and unintentionally hope for the worst; What if’s? and doubt take over what we once imagine would be perfect for us. Yes, I do love you but I can’t take this indistinguishable pressure. I want you but I don’t want your flaws.

February 17, 2009

2009-02-26T20:45:00.000-05:00

As days go by hopes and dreams become wasted by insecure thoughts. Yesterday, you said, “Yes! You can do it”. Today you can’t bear to give yourself the motivation, nor find the courage to go about achieving your goal! I always think that we push ourselves into small tight corners because we’re too afraid to give ourselves a chance at success sometimes. Many times I on the other hand break out of that corner and hope others follow me because I have the answer. Do I really? Sitting here contemplating on what I want out of me, happiness & success is something I’ve wanted my whole life. Am I wrong for that?

Update!

2009-02-22T22:14:00.003-05:00

I don't know if many of you follow my blog every now and then and many of you I have just invited, but I am planning on posting my journal. Please feel free to post your thoughts of other subjects like songs, poems, whatever! Also leave comments on writing pieces you enjoy! So starting on February 24, 2009 I will be posting a whole lot more.

Thanks for your support!

Cha-Cha

The Great Poets

2009-02-18T19:54:00.003-05:00

I want to write something so extraordinary like Nikki Giovanni
"Turn myself into myself and I was Jesus" she said with pride.
Ignore my poetry, like Alice Walker turned away from her own poetry one night,
"I'm Finished" she yelled
I want to talk about self righteousness like Langston Hughes,
"Life for me ain't been no crystal stair" that's what he wrote,
I want to express my anger and scream and shout about it; as it seeps into hearts and move them with happy tears.
Like poetry I want to be. It don't have to rhyme, or have a limit.
I don't want to have a beginning or end, I just want to write
" Fire and Ice" written by Robert Frost, yeah that's what I want to do make people think twice about my poems!
Love the beauty but hate the confusion, but all and all I want to write, express, my poems about life. The ups and down, in and outs, love, hate, create a master piece...
...Yeah that's what I want...

2009-01-17T00:45:00.000-05:00

for those whom dont know

2009-01-13T09:42:00.003-05:00

You asked who I was and what I am about let me let you in on the little secret

I'm me Jessie Joanna Cedeño.
i am 20 years old
i am smart
i am beautiful inside and out
i am independent, dont need anyone because at the end of the day i came in alone and will leave alone
i have my own little bubble where i can always go and be happie, stress free, and just enjoy life for what it has to offer
i rarely think about what others are going to say about me before i do something, because at the end of the day it is my life
i like to be around positivity and happiness
i HATE confrontation and competition
i have slight confidence and self-esteem issues but who doesnt? they dont dictate nor affect how i choose to live my life
i like going to church
i love talking about life
i am extremely nice and thoughtful
i am loyal and faithful
i dont like dealing with liars
i can surely be very annoying at times and i know and i try to spot before i get too out of hand
i very dependable you need me ill be there no hesitation
i hold my tongue when i know something i might say might hurt someone
i distance myself when i feel being pushed away and put my guard up
i like to be around people who allow me to be myself and not fault me for what i am
i am not perfect by all means nowhere near but, i am happy with who i am and what i do
im weird, i believe that monkeys fly, i have my own dictionary where i make up words
i love to laugh in pain in sorrow in morning in happiness, in gloominess
i try my hardest to remain positive when surrounded by negativity
i dont bullshyt cuz its a waste of time
i prefer to hear the same story from the "horse" of the mouth rather than others that dont really have a care for the matter
i have no problem whats so ever to answer any question no matter how long or short the answer may be
i strongly dislike keeping secrets and hiding things, i think of myself as a open minded person that can handle anything thrown my way
i strongly dislike dwelling on the past, let go and let God
i believe money comes and it goes why not use it while i got it? why not enjoy it for the time being?
i am usually a people pleaser but have if i try repeatedly im done, no more, i put my foot down.
i feel as though i have to do certain things to be able to look back at my life and say yup i've lived a full life and had while living it. somethings no one would ever think of doing but thats just me no other person is going to always agree and understand what i do and i know this and im ok with the idea

my Fam...
i love my family because time and time again they are the only ones whom have remained by my side no matter what
couldnt see myself without them
mothers always know best

my friends...
dont have too many because people talk ALOT, when they dont have a clue of what the real deal is
i value well thought out and valid opinions and suggestions
two have been around for almost eight years and dont have much negative to say about me... must be doing something right
three ive gotten pretty close to within the passed few years, but things seem to have a grey shadow over head but what can you do but sit and hope for the best and prepare for the worst

my significant other...
some may have been a waste of time as a matter a fact 3 out of 5 have been but its life, what are you going to do
i have never been beat, cheated on, belittled, used to the best of my knowledge so i think i am doing pretty well for myself if you ask me
ive had my heart broken, its taken me years to get it back to where it is now and im finally whole again i cant and wont let just anyone in
but when i do i give my 125 percent because thats just what i do as a person i have to risk it all to find something thats worth anything
it may seem as though all i do is be with them but its not like that if i have nothing to do and the person has nothing to do then we are going to hang out together might as well. as soon as i get plans for something else or to do something else im there because thats just the person i am im not going to go around letting people down its not in me to do such
i have yet to find a person that knows me all of me, a few have gotten very close but hasnt worked out to well but, when i do that will be my husband

in short i follow this equation to make sure i am whole and at my highest level of happiness :
Life + God+Family+ Friends= Me
if any of these parts arent good im not good.

with everything being said i am me and can only do me its like ive said before i know who and what i am and its just up to the world to open their eyes and accept it

"Don't Give a Damn Ehh...."

2009-01-13T09:31:00.004-05:00

I'm sort of sad its come down to this but i guess you just don't give a damn...
for years I've told myself you were more than just a friend you were like a part of the fam, but i guess you don't give a damn
don't you think that its a great big misunderstanding? or are you just so suck on your "i don't give a damn attitude" because you're too stuck trying to prove i am the one that did wrong and won't open your eyes to see the truth?
let me know, since you think you know me but naw you don't you just don't give a damn
I'm surely not one to keep puttin myself out there to keep getting accused for things i don't see nor understand, but i guess you just don't give a damn
its cool though maybe when the time is right and you decide to hit me up maybe things can go back to what they once were but until then
i just wont give a damn.....

November 4, 2008

2008-11-04T06:04:00.003-05:00

ELECTION DAY, ELECTION DAY, ELECTION DAY

ElECtIoN dAy, election day, YAD NOITCELE, giorno delle elezioni,

jour de l'élection, DIA DE LAS ELECCIONES, ELECTION ΗΜΕΡΑ,

hari pemilihan, NLecTOIE ydA, election day

Today November 4, 2008, Is the Day that we all get to see history in the making. This is the day that our children's children will ask us about.

OBAMA vs. McCain

I am proud to have voted! I strive for CHANGE and I hope that's what our nation receives!

A FEW ANSWERS FROM ABOVE SHED LIGHT ON TRAGEDY By Leonard Pitts, Jr

2008-10-27T23:28:00.002-04:00

I threw down the newspaper in disgust. God, who was sitting in the recliner next to mine watching the baseball playoffs, glanced over.``Relax,'' He said, ``the campaign will be over in a few days.'' ``It's not that,'' I said. ``Then what?'' I handed God the newspaper. He put on his reading glasses and spent a few minutes studying the page. Finally, He shook His head. ``Oh,'' He said, as He laid the paper aside. `` `Oh?' Is that all you can say? Didn't you read the story? These rebels in Uganda, they're kidnapping children and forcing them to be soldiers and sex slaves! It says here they've killed 100,000 people, displaced 1.6 million over the last 18 years. Doesn't that bother you?'' ``It bothers me,'' God said. ``I would think so. Especially since . . .'' God arched His brow. ``Especially since what?'' It took me a second to gather my courage. ``Especially since they're doing it in your name,'' I said finally. ``It's bad enough they call themselves the Lord's Resistance Army, but did you see this part here? According to the United Nations, these monsters say they're kidnapping kids in order to set up a new government based on the Ten Commandments,'' I said. ``They forgot No. 8,'' God said. ``Beg pardon?'' ``No. 8,'' God said. `` `Thou shalt not steal.' Also, No. 6, of course. `Thou shalt not kill.' '' ``Why don't you stop them then? Send a plague. Destroy the rebels.'' ``Is that what you think I should do?'' ``You weren't shy about it in the Old Testament.'' God sighed. ``You send a little too much rain one time and they never let you forget.'' ``It's not funny!'' To my surprise, I shouted it. ``You're angry with me,'' God said. I swallowed hard. ``I guess I am. It shouldn't be this way. It doesn't have to be.'' ``Well, we agree there.'' ``Then make it stop. You could.'' ``I could,'' He agreed. ``Maybe I will. But it will just start again somewhere else. You know that, don't you? That's the problem with that free will thing I gave you all.'' ``Yeah, yeah,'' I said. ``We can choose to do right, or we can choose to do wrong. I know all about that.'' ``Don't give me, `Yeah, yeah,' '' God said sternly. ``And for the record, that's not what I meant. What I'm saying is that you people, you're all like that Jim Carrey fellow in that Bruce Almighty movie. You all think you can be a better God than I can. ``Some awful thing happens to you, or some bad person isn't instantly struck down by lightning bolts and you figure it must be because God is slipping. You figure He needs your help. ``So you decide to play God. And you use my name to sanction your meanest and most narrow impulses, like I'm a moral Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card or something. You say you're doing my will; then you steal babies and make war. You say you're doing what God said; then you kill one another. I told you to love one another. How do you get from `love' to `kill?' '' ``But how are we supposed to have faith in you when you let so many bad things happen?'' I asked. ``I could ask you the same question,'' God said. ``You know why I gave you free will? I wanted you to surprise yourselves sometimes. Surprise me, too. I knew you'd do things that disappointed me, but I thought you'd make me proud more often. I thought you would find more opportunities to do good. Instead, you find opportunities to break my heart. ``And yet I keep giving you chances, don't I? Keep giving you sunrises, keep giving you babies, keep giving you breath, waiting for you to surprise me,'' He said. I picked up the paper and looked at the awful story again. ``Lord, have mercy,'' I said. God gave me a wan smile. ``I know,'' He said. ``You think it's hard believing in me? Think how I feel, trying to believe in you"

She's a Woman... Views Through Her Eyes

2008-10-20T21:26:00.008-04:00

She's my women

strong as can be, birth, cared, and raised all of me

she was given nothing and made it her life

she feared nothing because she'd already met misery and defeat

making ends meet; with two jobs, three kids and a man who cheats

that never stopped her from telling her kids there's hope... a better life

late nights she'd cry herself to sleep praying for peace to heal her pain.

who had she become after her children were all grown

just another old lady with unaccomplished goals, no success, and only grace in her heart

who was she, but the same woman who finds a way around obstacles and boundaries

singing, praying and crying to the lord, "ROI BONJOUR EDE MWEN", to have her dreams that

were unfulfilled, for love that she pray to have passion, for a break from poverty.

this "that" dude

2008-10-13T10:21:00.002-04:00

i can still feel the soft gentle kisses from his lips, on the base of my neck

his warm masculine touches all over my body, do something to my soul

which in turn make my heart feel safe and at home

his ways with words are impeccable, rest assured the words he speaks are filled with wisdom and have a meaning

with such a captivating demeanor and self protryal one can't help but to stop and stare

he has made me reach a new nautral high with jokes out of this world that keep me laughing throughout the day

the way i am feeling has made me realize that i just might be able to give in and learn to love again

its been a long time coming and he just might have the magic touch, that the others lacked

but as all in life only time will tell

missing the greatest story never told part 1

2008-09-10T16:26:00.003-04:00

i told him i loved and he didn't believe me HA
see i knew what it meant to love someone and i didn't want to put myself in the predicament where i would've just said it just to say it
see i gave all i had in me to our relationship but i guess it wasn't enough
see even though he said it first he still didn't believe himself ain't that some shyt
nigga why would have you even said it if you didn't believe or even mean it but anyways ya see
i gave i gave time, i gave effort, i gave faithfulness, i gave honesty, i gave loyalty, i gave happiness, i gave sincerity
and what did he give you ask mhh.. lets see wait hold on its coming back to me oh yeah he gave me the happiest moments of my life
ya see life is a hilarious thing you give all that you have into something that can so easily break you down and tear you apart but that same thing can glue you right back up and hold you together and make you whole
ya see the person who writes the script done put me through h-e- double hockey sticks and back dealing with this thing and at the end of the day the end result will be worth it but
at times oh my LORD i say why is it that the heart can not do what the mind tells it to do?
in all reality no one can control that feeling that they get when they realize that they would do whatever and a half for the thing that they love
see once you acknowledge that you are in love its a wrap you will never be able to stop loving ha you may try to fool yourself but time will reveal all secrets that are withheld
believe that

To you all...

2008-09-01T01:41:00.002-04:00

Let me break this down to you...
Come closer to the screen so when you read this it becomes lucid to you.
What I'm about to say will definitely make your mind start to run
You may even have an annoyance just from thinking too damn hard
Who I am is Cherlene fucking Ceneus…
Not to be disrespected because I sure as hell won’t do it to you,
Not to be discounted, my opinions may be different so deal with it,
And not to be used, been there done that.
I do give chances; two ask a matter of fact, I think everyone should be given a second chance…
But if you fuck up…
Don’t come to me again.
I don’t have best friends because my friendships never work out like that.

I don't want to be like you, think like you or even smell like you cause I'm me!
I am Cherlene Ceneus; don’t really care what you want or how you feel.
Transitioning from being a child to a woman… I’m changing

These are my fucking rules so if this was incoherent to you read it again…

When it's all said and done was it worth it...

2008-08-29T10:27:00.002-04:00

When it's all said and done was it worth it...
Was it worth my tears?
My pain ?
My heart?
Was it worth us?

She's a Woman

2008-08-22T21:07:00.006-04:00

A young black beautiful woman
Prospering to be someone successful
Every night wondering what would become of her
Trying to prevent failure from happening because she has already seen how failure affects lives
Losing her home, having her car repossess, and struggling to make ends meet is not what she has in mind
Knowing that there are ups and downs in life, she won't stay down and out
Walking down the street with her confidence in mind, looking like she could be the next Nefertiti, men who walk by look with laudable eyes as her hips sway from left to right she knows that her body is not her money maker
She’s too much of a lady to take part of some guys’ sexual fantasy; she has her own man for that.
Her college degree was her ticket to anything and everything she wanted to do.

to be continue...

advice to the materialistic bunch ;)

2008-08-22T02:18:00.007-04:00

wrote this last year hope you like :

im upset

you make me mad

im so freakin tired of this shit

fuck you

leave me the fuck alone get on with your "friends"

you so freaking hot to impress people with money and style and all this material bullshyt

when in reality strip you from all that shyt and lets see who would actually be standin by your fuckin side

kid im so fed up with your hypocritical attitude

your such a fucking user kid stop the bullshyt nigga it aint gettin no fucking play

women just love too hard

2008-08-19T23:15:00.005-04:00

your all the fucking same

you lie

you cheat

you take barely give

you play

you act

you all fail to realize that we give unconditionally

we trust

we please

and you still find the nerve to leave such a good thing behind saying you're unhappy

you want more

you need to venture

you're too busy

don't need the stress

its too much drama

yeah but you weren't saying all of that when

you were sick and needed someone to care for you

or when you where hungry and needed food

or when you needed a jump

or when you needed money

or you needed someone to talk too cause no one else would understand

or just needed help

right

we give because when we love we love hard

we don't fake because we cant hide our true emotions it is not in us to put up a fake ass facade.

we give our trust blindly not wanting to believe anything obscene

we try to make it as stress fear and light as possible but it is never enough

fuck all the bullshit just say from the jump you're a coward ass excuse for a man and cant deal with a relationship that gives you the world and you cant appreciate it you'd prefer to run to the hoes and the bitches and sluts of the block cause you want to get your cock sucked.

take your fucking head out your ass and realize that a true genuine intelligent woman stands right in front of you and has not done shit to you to deserve the crap that you put her through. understand that women bend in all kinds of directions to do right and make their relationship work

but

fucker realize that a relationship takes two people well in your mind its one to many huh?

yeah i understand your a fucking sad excuse for a man but after all that bullshit is said and done i still stand deeply in love with you

yup call me stupid dumb naive but it is the sad truth.

i have tried to go against it and my days get long, cold and depressing.

i acknowledge it and still end up sad because you're not there.

i deny it and I'm upset with the entire world.

i accept it and deal with it and my heart is half empty.

it is a sad thing love can do to a woman.

its even sadder what love can not do for a man.

I Remember

2008-08-12T18:29:00.002-04:00

I remember my innocence that got lost in you.

I remember when I would imagine me and you being together.

How we would never argue and now that’s all we seem to do.

Trust, Love, Loyalty is the game we play.

Insecurity was the last thing that I thought would enter my soul.

I love you but...

I'm going crazy trying to make the truth seem real.

My loyalty fell short and I know that, but what's done is done.

I'd wish it back if I could but I can't.

Well I know I may be holding up your time, so call me when you get this.

this goes out to

2008-08-08T10:12:00.003-04:00

the people who do not think of their consequences of their actions

the people whom lie so much that their truths are not believed because they've lied so much one can not tell the difference.

those people, stop pretending to be something that you are not

those people understand that truth will come to light and you will be disappearing in the mist of all the lies you've spoken

your respect and character will diminish leaving you left with nothing

everyone will see you for who and what you truly are a worthless, no good, hypocritical, manipulative liar!

it is not that hard to think before you speak therefore think of your consequences or you will loose it all believe that

A Poolside Conversation With God

2008-08-04T21:11:00.000-04:00

By: Leonard Pitts Jr.
I was sitting on the deck in a chaise lounge. God was floating on His back in the pool.
I pointed to the night sky, a white disk of moon rising magisterially into an infinity of black. "Nice work," I said. God didn't answer.
"And hey, thanks for the weather today," I said. "75 degrees, low humidity, a nice breeze. Well done."

Still no answer. He gets in these quiet moods sometimes.
"Now I know how Mother Teresa felt," I groused, laughing to show Him I was just kidding. Might as well have been laughing at the moon.
I picked up the copy of Time magazine from where it had fallen during my nap, held it up so He could see the Mother's portrait on the cover. "You should read this," I said. "It's fascinating."
The article was about a new book, "Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light," based on 66 years of her correspondence. The letters reveal a startling fact: For the last 50 years of her life, this iconic, holy woman felt spiritually abandoned, cut off from God. She felt no Presence. She felt alone.
"... The silence and emptiness is so great," she wrote in 1979, "that I look and do not see -- Listen and do not hear."
"... I am told God loves me," she wrote in an undated letter, "and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul."
"You know," I said, "you could have given her a sign. Would that have killed you?"
Nothing.
"Answer me when I'm talking to you!" I was mortified to hear myself yelling at Him, but I couldn't make myself stop. "Do you have any idea how much easier you make it for atheists when you act like this? It makes their argument so much simpler. If a woman who had given her very life over to this 'God' couldn't get a word out of Him for years, isn't the logical conclusion that He does not exist? Is that really what you want people to think?"
God drifted in the pool, silent.
"Is this a faith thing?" I asked. "Is that it? Even though she had doubt, she continued to minister to people in one of the poorest places on Earth. Is that your point? Have faith?"
The sound of a breeze playing among the trees drew me around sharply. "Was that You?" I said.
Silence. I said, "You know you're making me crazy here, right? I feel like the conflicted priest from that TV show, 'Nothing Sacred.' There was this one episode where he gave a homily and asked, 'Which man is crazy, the one who hears thunder and thinks it's the voice of God, or the one who hears the voice of God and thinks it's only thunder?'"
I sighed my frustration. For a moment, the only sound was the water lapping in the pool. Then I said softly, "You know, sometimes, I think atheists have a point. When you see nothing, when you feel nothing, isn't it logical to conclude it's because there is nothing?" I couldn't bear to look at Him as I said this.
"I think the only reason I don't go with them," I whispered, "is because of all those other times when you do see ... something. When you feel connected to something so vast it defies comprehension. It fills you. It settles you. It gives you peace. And you say to yourself, 'Lord, where did that come from? It couldn't be my imagination, because I couldn't imagine anything so ... perfect.'"
Still He was silent. I looked up.
"You know, this mysterious ways thing gets a little ..."
I froze. God wasn't there. God was gone. Sitting alone under the blind white cataract of the moon, I shivered. Then I saw Him. He had climbed out of the pool and was drying himself with a towel. He had been there all along. "Thank God," I breathed.
"I used to like that show," He said thoughtfully.
"Huh? What show?"
"That 'Nothing Sacred.' That was a good show. I hated when they canceled it."
God finished drying Himself and went into the house. It started to rain.

the ride

2008-07-27T15:40:00.006-04:00

his driving is impeccable

the acceleration of the gas petal makes my mind wonder into a parallel dimension out of this world

he looks to the right left then brakes slightly then zooms pass the 94 max swtiching lanes

going from far left to far right brings the sense of exhileration that has been suppressed within for too long to light

makes me feel awaken all over again in a different way than before

it is different and i like it i must say

the ride cant really ever know what to expect from it but when it goes down it is on and behold all what may come from it

it is mesmorizing what can happen from just a ride

ones mind just wonders off into a different dimension taken by surprised by the motion and ability he gives to drive so well speedin across the way to get to his destination

the ride is indescribeable these words give no justice to the truth of the meaning behind the ride

Summer Vacation

2008-07-23T00:22:00.001-04:00

I feel something...
HAPPY! but sad
overjoyed whenever I think about the cute things he told me
lonely sometimes when he doesn't call
but, special because I was the one he chose.
I don't want to say it ...
it's wrong, I'm too young, I don't know if I really feel this way
What I feel on the inside I don't say out loud
I keep it to my self or sometimes say it before I go to bed
quietly...
people call it " The 3 words". I call it the " Liar's words".
At first I thought it was an idea what I wanted to feel
but I don't think so maybe it's the way my spine chills when
I'm around him or the way I smile because the thought of me
being with him was something I never imagined.
What he told me before we said our good byes over the phone.
These words I didn't want to believe
I wanted to say back to him.
but it was just too hard.The 3 words are ...
I Love You

Tyler Perry coming out with some more Drama!!!

2008-07-22T09:40:00.001-04:00

http://www.familythatpreysmovie.com/

The Family that Preys

Move ME (interpret as you may like)

2008-07-20T17:18:00.004-04:00

MOVE ME

Enlighten my being

Feel me

Love me

Hold me

Encourage me

Inspire me

Please me

Kiss me

Caress me

Whisper in my ear

MOVE ME

Make my soles jerk

Make my heels jump

Penetrate me nice and slow

Pull my hair

Exhilarate my being

Move my soul

Move me SO good

I drift into a deep slumber

And wake up from a frantic dream

Yelling and screaming for more

MOVE ME

Whisper in my ear

Caress me

Kiss me

Inspire me

Please me

Encourage me

Hold me

Love me

Feel me

Enlighten my being

MOVE ME

-unnamed-

2008-07-20T17:10:00.003-04:00

i want more as simple as that I'm sick and tired of nothing it is as if there is no point but indeed there is somewhere underneath all of the bull and garbage and lies and hurts there lies a truth
one of which i wouldn't be able to express at this time or date but in my gut i know it is there deep down inside where all the good lies and bad just simply disappears from acknowledgment
when that point comes out to the lime light there will be no telling what is possible of happening to all of those that thought otherwise and just gave up with the feeling of being tired and sick of absolutely nothing just wanting more from life and the people in it and things around them

ultimate decision

2008-07-13T21:31:00.002-04:00

The ultimate decision is yours, we are the ones that can decide who and what we are. The minute that we realize that we are not what we want

is the minute we realize that we have not been true to ourselves or to the ones we love. The ultimate decision is yours.

Tell Me

2008-07-13T21:23:00.003-04:00

Tell me you love me
Tell me you can't live without me
Tell me the world has no meaning, if I'm not by your side
Tell me you can't resist me when i want you
Tell me i am your one, the one you've been looking for all of your life
Tell me that you will always understand me and give me what i deserve
Tell me

i've been wondering and

2008-07-01T12:41:00.002-04:00

is it a problem if you feel as though you are settling for the next big thing because the it person is no longer by your side?

is it a problem if are not at your highest level of happiness with the person that is by your side?

is it a good idea to stand up and fight for what you want?

or should you just let time pass and pass and pass and see if fate brings the person back to your side?

is it correct to say that one should never give up on a person if one can not go a day without thinking about that person?

what if you never give up and you move on but then realize that no one or nothing can replace or fill that void that was built by that person.

is it then safe to say that you should settle for the next big thing?

or should you strive and go after the person that makes you the happiest just by looking into their eyes? should you wait on fate or believe in the faith that the person feels the same as you?

what if you are scared of rejection?

are supposed to pretend as though your not and attempt something knowing good and well that if you do not succeed it will be far worst than what you could have possible imagined?

what to do?

Prayer

2008-07-01T09:33:00.001-04:00

To: YOU

Date: TODAY

From: GOD

Subject:YOURSELF

Reference:LIFE

This is God. To day I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day. I love you.
P.S. And, remember...If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (som ething for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now
Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day.
God has seen you struggling, God says it's over. A blessing is coming your way... if you believe in
God! Please send this to others who need His help. You are being tested

A dream to be...

2008-06-30T08:29:00.001-04:00

A dream to be never deferred
Sorry Mr. Hughes, I ain't stoppin
Just like Mr. King I have a dream
A dream to be whatever I want to be
No man on this earth could lead me down the opposite path
It's hard enough trying to survive... in this dog eat dog world
NO I'm not a product of my environment!
I am filled with ambition
Thirsting for a education
I may fall but I will always rise
Never will I stay down, because they told me to
A dream never ever to be deferred
Not like a dry up raisin in the sun Nor does it fester like a sore
But it will explode not with unaccomplishment but with success!

-Cherlene Ceneus

Dream Deferred

2008-06-30T08:28:00.002-04:00

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry upLike a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sagslike a heavy load?
Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

its me

2008-06-29T02:31:00.003-04:00

its me
just open yourself back up and let me in
im trying but it has to be a two way street
i know your in there just come out
its me let down your guard
its me

a little insight from my mind jiji

2008-06-28T17:49:00.003-04:00

i just wanted to tell you i love you

my life hasnt been the same without you

i need you

not a day goes by that i dont think of us

yeah me and you together

i feel it it is meant to be

believe it

the type of love i give is irreplaceable

the ladii's of today are flaw like many of the gentle men

but me im unique i vow to do you right

i vow it on everything i do and am

believe that

Food for Thought

2008-06-26T15:46:00.001-04:00

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called FAILURE, a loop called CONFUSION, speed bumps called FRIENDS, red lights called ENEMIES, caution lights called FAMILY. You will have flats called JOBS. But, if you have a spare called DETERMINATION, an engine called PERSEVERANCE, insurance called FAITH, a driver called JESUS, you will make it to a place called SUCCESS.